Dark Angel
by cookiemonster4always
Summary: I was completely broken when I was human, but now its worse because I will be broken for eternity. I am not a vampire, no I am something darker and I will be broken and alone forever. Set during NM.
1. Broken Angel

I couldn't take it anymore.

Everyone I loved was gone and I couldn't deal with the pain. Every single second I have to feel like there is a big hole where my heart should be.

But by now that's probably dead too. It didn't use to be like this, there was a time where everything was perfect. I had both of my families and I had Edward.

I had thought that they, he loved me, but I was wrong. In reality I was just a play thing, something to pass the time for Edward since apparently eternity can get boring.

My fairy tale ended when he told me the truth. Reality just got worse when Charlie died in the field. I still have nightmares about the day he died, I was there.

But fate wasn't done playing with me since Renee was still angry at me for rejecting her offer to live in Jacksonville.

She took drastic measures, such as disowning me once Charlie died. I'm not homeless or anything like that since Charlie left everything to me in his will, but what good am I doing here?

My so called friends avoid me like the plague and I'm still in enough pain to put a grown man to his knees.

That's why I'm out here, standing on the edge of the highest cliff in La Push during a hurricane.

I have no goodbyes to say and I left a note saying to donate my money to charity, I don't plan on walking away from this. I can only hope that I see Charlie in the afterlife.

So I take off my shoes and remember all that has happened since I came to Forks.

As I jump off the cliff I feel an emotion that I haven't felt since my fairytale ended, bliss.

Bliss because this will all be over, bliss because I will get to see my father again, and bliss because I won't have to deal with my pain anymore.

My last thought before I hit the rocks below is very simple, but very painful because I know that it is completely unrequited.

'I love you Edward.'

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	2. Frozen

When I hit the rocks at the bottom of the cliffs, the only thing I felt was a sharp pain in my chest before I was consumed by blackness. I had thought that I was dead, but something went wrong or I was in hell because ice soon filled my veins. It felt like I was being frozen slowly. I'm pretty sure that my whole body had frost bites. But the temperature didn't make sense since I lived in Forks and not Antarctica.

I don't know how long I was in pain for, but it was way more than three days. The ice was going through my bloodstream and freezing the blood all the way till it got to my heart. It was similar to vampire venom, but instead of burning all the way to my heart, it froze. When the ice got to my heart I could feel my heart starting to beat slower and slower till it stopped and then I didn't feel any more pain. I was reluctant to open my eyes because I knew that I wasn't dead, and opening my eyes to find that I was still here would prove that.

I opened them to find a vampire with red eyes that looked to be in his early twenties, standing above me. But there was something wrong, because when I opened my eyes he gasped. I spoke first since he now looked deep in thought.

''Who are you?''

I didn't speak the words rudely, in fact my tone was only scared and curious. I was scared because he might have bitten me and curious as to whom he was. But he somehow managed to look offended and when he spoke it was in a haughty tone.

''I am the one that saved your life. My name is Pierre and this may be difficult to grasp but I am telling the truth, you are now a vampire.''

I could tell he was French because of his accent and name. But I had other things on my mind such as why in my change I felt like I was being frozen to death and why this was happening to me. When I spoke my voice truly shocked me, it used to be sort of rough but now it sounded like a melody an award winning musician would play.

''I know that you're telling the truth but there is something I'd like to ask if that's alright.''

After he got over the shock that I had believed him so easily, he lost the tone and reassured me it was fine.

''How long was I changing?''

He grimaced before he answered, it sounded as if he felt bad it took so long.

''Seven days.''

I openly gaped at him. My thoughts going faster than they ever have. I now had several questions for him. I waited till I had calmed down before I spoke again so I wouldn't scare him.

''When I was changing instead of feeling like I was burning, I felt like I was being frozen to death. Do you know why that is?''

He was completely stunned. But after a few minutes he started to look at me like I was a freak of nature. Ha. The vampire looking at me like I was a freak of nature. But after deciding that I wasn't worth his time he hightailed it out of the cave with vampire speed.

I had stayed lying down through our whole conversation because I was strangely pretty tired and because I didn't trust Pierre. But when I did stand up I noticed something very wrong with my back. There were huge wings sticking out of it.

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	3. Dark Grey

The main color of the wings was a beautiful dark grey color but there were many different colored feathers sprinkled in. I'm surprised I hadn't noticed them when I first woke up because the wing span was at least fourteen feet. I tried to open up my wings by flexing my back and after a moment or two, it worked. They were stiff at first but I flexed them and soon became comfortable.

My inner wing feathers were just like my outer ones but there were more black feathers mixed in. They were beautiful.

I was confused though, as to why I have wings, why I'm not thirsty, and why the vampire gasped. I might as well see my reflection; it might help answer the latter. I walked a ways down the cave until I saw a pool of clear water. I walked over to it and was stunned when I saw my reflection.

I was absolutely gorgeous, not to sound conceited or anything but I was. My now wavy hair was a rich mahogany brown that reached my waist, my cheekbones were now more prominent and my eyebrows were arched. I was very tall; at least 5'10 now but I had a drop dead curvy figure. My skin was ivory colored now and it contrasted beautifully with my wings.

But what shocked me most was that instead of the crimson red eyes I expected my eyes were a deep ice blue. They looked as though they were frozen, just like my heart. I sat staring straight ahead at the walls sobbing at how wrong this all was. I was supposed to be with Charlie by now, not a vampire. Hell, I'm not even sure if I am a vampire. If I was changed it was supposed to be with Edward! I was supposed to wake up to them not to some snobby French vampire telling me he ruined my suicide attempt. I was supposed to escape this hell and now I might just be stuck here forever.

The pain I felt when I was human was now increased by a thousand, and considering I was suicidal as a human you can just imagine what it feels like now. I can't kill myself now because I have no idea what I am or how I can die. So I decided that I would just try that numbness that I did when I was human. After a moment I felt like I was in a haze, my enhanced hearing and eyesight was completely fine but I knew that I wouldn't really pay attention to anything. It was like I just wasn't there anymore. That was more than fine with me because I couldn't feel any more pain, and I was able to hold on to the last bit of my sanity.

I didn't feel a burning in the back of my throat so I thought that it would be okay for me to go into Seattle. I needed to get some clothes. I had thought that I was going to need a trench coat to cover my wings. But that problem soon disappeared when I discovered that if I wanted my wings to disappear I just had to think about it and they would fold into my back and become tattoos. The tattoo was really just a black outline of my wings some details, but no other colors or anything. It still looked good though.

I practiced putting them in and out until nightfall. Then I made a running start out of the cave and spread my wings open, my wings caught the wind easily and I learned how to fly. After a while I had all of it down and headed towards Seattle, on the way there I was careful to stay away from any roads so no cars saw me.

I found out that I could fly at very high speeds since I ended up getting to Seattle half an hour later. I quickly went into the first clothing I could find and stole a pair of jeans, a long sleeved T – shirt, converses, a jacket and all the other essentials like underwear and socks. I got all of the stuff in under a minute since I apparently got the super speed and strength too. I changed in the bushes and was out of there before the alarm even went off.

I stole a pocket knife from a hunting store next so I could cut slit in my jacket. What was interesting about the whole trip was that even though I did see some humans and was close enough to smell them had I been a vampire, I didn't smell any sweet aroma. So I could definitely say that I wasn't a vampire.

It didn't make sense since I had almost all of the characteristics of a vampire minus the bloodlust, wings, and the eyes but what else could I be? I decided that I would go south since I had overheard Jasper talking about the Southern Wars, and they might have some kind of information.

The flash of pain that thinking of them caused me was almost unbearable, so I closed off my mind to all thoughts that weren't related to the problem at hand and prayed that I could find some kind of escape from this hell.

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	4. Phoenix

It had been a few days since Seattle and I had found that I didn't need any kind of sustenance. I was now in Phoenix and I was planning on going to New Mexico next since I couldn't find any vampire covens. I had stopped at a few stores along the way and stolen a backpack that I could wear even when I was flying and some other clothes. I didn't sparkle in the sun so the list of questions I had was just growing longer and longer.

I had also found that I didn't need to sleep but I could if I wanted to. I had zoned out the first day and before I realized I was even asleep, I was having another nightmare. I scared some people with my screaming and had to get out of there right away. I easily got away, but I made sure not to sleep anymore because of the nightmares.

At the moment I was walking around a park waiting till nightfall so I could take off. Since Phoenix is a desert and there aren't really any trees I can take cover in, if I were to take off during the day I would be in plain view of everyone. The park had a small jungle gym in the center and little kids were running around playing without a care in the world. I was envious of them. They were still kids and they were naïve. They wouldn't know about the cruel reality that is life for a while.

I was also pained at the sight of all the little children playing around, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to have any. I may not know what I am but I do know that I don't have a heartbeat. So I cannot become pregnant with anybody's baby. But I don't think that will be a problem seeing as the only person's child I would want to bear would be Edward and I was just a game to him.

If he had turned me into a vampire, if I had been more than just a game to him than since I had him I wouldn't have missed having a baby that much. But now it's blatantly obvious since I don't have either.

I quickly moved on from the park and just walked the streets of the city. Everything looked exactly the same from when I lived here. It seems like I'm the only one that time has passed for. Its sunset now so I start to look for a clearing away from civilization that I can take off in. After walking for at least twenty minutes on empty streets, the sun is gone but I can't see the stars. The sky is pitch black. When I see that no one is anywhere near where they would have to be to get a clear shot of me I start running, super speed running. I run till I'm standing on the edge cliff. This time is eerily similar to the last time I jumped but unfortunately this time I know that I won't die. I take a running leap of the cliff and slowly let my wings unfold knowing if I do it to fast it will hurt very much. My wings soon catch the air and feel as if I'm gliding along the air. I flap my wings to go higher and faster. I go higher this time because I don't plan on stopping until I get to New Mexico. I try to lose myself in the feeling of the air blowing across my face and the air softly petting my feathers as it glides by. But I can never escape my pain, no matter where I go, or what I'm doing. It will always be there because of Edward. I will never be free.

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	5. Purple Sunsets

**A/N: I'm sorry I haven't updated this story in forever, I got caught up in the other stories. Please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

New Mexico was different. And I hated it. The air was even drier than Phoenix during the day so it was extremely hard to get any wind under my wings.

I had spent most of the night thinking about what I was going to do next. And I had made the decision to start looking for the vampires that were participating in the Southern Wars. I wanted to find out if I was actually indestructible and what better way to test it than to have a vampire try to kill me.

If I not, then hopefully I will be dead within the next twenty four hours. But on the very unfortunate chance that I am, I was going to start killing off the armies. Humans can't defend themselves from vampires, so I'll do it for them. Though I can't say that that's the only reason I have for doing it, I'm hoping that it will keep my mind off of the past and with it some of my pain. But that would be hoping in vain.

I flew down and hid behind an old abandoned building. I can't risk anyone seeing me, I might not sparkle but I glow and my wings can give anyone a heart attack just as well.

I broke down the door of the building and was just walking inside when something crashed into me. I looked up to find menacing crimson red eyes glaring at me and I immediately knew that this was a vampire. I was about to push him off when something extremely weird happened. I felt an invisible force expand from my skin and push him off; it felt like I was protected.

I used the shield to hold him still as I ripped him apart. It was obvious now that I wasn't going to be able to die. If it had been extremely hard before I knew that I had a shield, now it would be literally impossible.

I tried not to think of the eternity of pain I was going to exist through and focused on my plan, it wouldn't be hard to track some of the armies and killing them. And going after all of them would take up a lot of time so I didn't have to worry about having any free time, or in other words time for memories to sneak up on me and torture me.

I searched the house and found that there were no more vampires in it, but I could smell some a little while away, and I figured that the vampire I had just killed had been part of a coven.

I when out behind the building and waited for the vampires to come closer, I know that they smelled me because I could hear them tense, and I waited till they were almost 20feet away and I froze them.

There were five of them and if I had still been human, I would have been impressed by their beauty but now I saw them for what they really were. Monsters. They were all monsters, just like I was.

Their crimson eyes showed shock while I ripped them apart, like they didn't really believe that this was happening.

I gathered all of the pieces, including the ones from the first vampire, and set them aflame with a lighter I stole in Phoenix. And I watched as the purple fumes filled the sky, my mind surprising blank whilst, still dreading the nearing sunrise.


	6. The Galaxy

**A/N: Hi Guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the reviews, call me greedy but I want more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hope You Enjoy This Chapter, I like it. And the song I listened to as I wrote this was 'Grow Up and Blow Away' by Metric. It's a great song! Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

I stayed in the abandoned building until the next night, and by the time the darkness of the night had descended, I started my hunt.

I followed the subtle scent of vampires, I didn't know where it would take me but it didn't really matter. It smelled like a combination of citrus, roses, and lavender, under other circumstances it might have smelled nice, but now it was overwhelming and I felt like I was going to be sick.

But I kept following it. I followed those scents for days, staying away from civilization, running since I wouldn't be able to follow it while I flew, and eventually I found myself outside of an abandoned parking garage. I took a quick look inside and was semi – surprised to find close to fifty vampires gathered in there.

It was obvious that most of the vampires were newborns, seeing as their eyes were an even brighter crimson than the older ones, but also because they were being held in place by a lot of the more mature vampires.

I immediately knew who the leader was when I looked at him, he radiated an aura of superiority and because he was planning strategies for an attack on other covens.

He had short pitch black hair and a skin tone that suggested that he had been of Mexican descent before he was changed; he was about 6'2 and had a fit build. But overall he had a rather creepy persona to him.

I observed them all for a few minutes before I grew bored and decided to show myself to them before I killed them, just to see their reactions. I jumped over the wall I was hiding behind and ran to the center of the garage.

"Hello."

I said with a mischievous twinkle in my ice blue eye. All the vampires in the area were so tense that they looked as if they thought they would snap in half if they moved. The leader stepped forward.

"Who are you?"

I thought for a moment, what should I be called? I was never going to go by any form of Isabella again so that was definitely out. I remembered a text I read online before the Cullens left, I ignored the burning in my chest.

It said something about the name Abbadon meaning avenging angel or fallen angel. I like it, and I kind of am an avenging angel.

"My name is Abbadon, but you can call me Abby. What is your name?"

He was extremely wary when he stated that his name was Alex. I kept up with the light questions until I noticed him make a signal to another vampire and right when they were about to attack, I froze them.

It was kind of funny when I looked at all of the vampires frozen, some were even frozen in mid air. After a few minutes of chuckling, I got to work. And not even ten minutes later, all of the vampires were all in pieces and burning in my makeshift campfire.

I left the parking garage and let my wings out. I wanted to go for a fly, I had been feeling antsy for it ever since I started running. I spread my wings and flapped them until I didn't feel the ground under my feet anymore. I made my way up near the few clouds that littered the night sky and enjoyed the feeling that the light breeze brought.

I found myself staring up at the moon, and it occurred to me that the moon and I were very alike. We were both alone. But we still revolve around one thing, in my case it was Edward, in the moon's the earth.

There is one thing that makes us more alike than anything else though, it's the fact that we are both severely damaged but are still forced to exist.

When I end these Southern Wars, I'll go to the moon. I don't need to breathe and I can fly up there, it will give me one thing that I might actually look forward to.

Maybe when I go up there I'll find some sort of peace, even if it's only for a little while.


	7. Games

**A/N: Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And check out my new story 'Everything Burns'.**

**I flew around admiring the stars until the sun started to rise and I knew that I had to stop to avoid exposure.**

**I landed behind a large rock formation in a desert area and was surprised to find that there were several vampire scents littering the area. It was very pugnant, so I knew that there were many vampires here.**

**The rock formation reeked of the scent, so I could easily that they were hiding in some of the hidden caves the large rock had.**

**Silently, I leaped up onto the rock and peaked inside one of the hideouts. That one tiny cave was filled to the brim with hostile new born vampires. Many of them were actually fighting with each other.**

**Since they were new borns, I froze them and ripped them apart as quickly as possible. It wasn't their fault they were like this, their just unfortunate pawns in one huge sick game that they were forced into. Just like me.**

**While I was burning the piece, I heard many vampires running at me from behind. I turned and froze them with my shield, but missed two of them and felt them bounce off of the sheild that was like my permenent second skin. I could easily expand that shield to have a berth of at least fifty feet, but since I just bent my shield to hold people in place, I hadn't done it in battle.**

**I didn't bother making small talk before killing them this time, I just ripped them apart and disposed of the pieces on fire before going to check the other caves.**

**I finished off the vampires in the other caves and just sat in the sun for a while, enjoying the feeling of warmth on my skin. I was always cold now, and just in that thought I was reminded of my frozen heart. **

**The heart that would never beat again for two reasons. The heart that someone had deliberately toyed with and broken for their own amusement. **

**I felt sick.**


	8. Mirrors

**A/N: The reviews are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 They really give me the motivation to write another chapter. So please review and check out my other story, 'Everything Burns', I just updated it.**

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I spent thirty years working through the southern states, left to right, slowly cleansing them of vampire armies.

I hadn't encountered any vegetarians yet, but if I do I'll leave them alone. But if their last name happens to be Cullen or Hale, I'll ignore them in hopes of not killing them all with my temper.

Also because I've heard that if you gnore someone, it hurts them more than words can. Unfortunately, that might not work seeing as the Cullens don't really care.

Hell, I bet they were counting on me being dead so they wouldn't have to chance being anywhere near me anymore.

I never left any survivors in my attacks so all of the remaining armies are currently scared out of their minds. Good. They didn't know what was coming for them and I preferred it that way.

Texas had been by far the state with the most vampire armies, and I'm glad, it kept my mind busy. Being there reminded me too much of Jasper.

I'm in Florida now; I hadn't wanted to come here at all. I had debated coming here for days, but in the end I had decided that since the carnage was going on here too, I needed to come.

I was careful to stay away from Jacksonville, the area in which my mother and Phil reside, but I was still too distracted, thinking of her venomous words to me after Charlie died and I became sloppy in a battle a few weeks ago. An older vampire escaped while I was finishing off some newborns and now the Volturi know my identity.

Apparently, the informer is hoping that they will get rid of me for killing off the armies. If only.

They sent a member of the guard to give me a message a few hours ago. The note, a fancy piece of parchment, was blank except for a time and place to meet them at.

If it had been anyone else, I would have just left and continued fighting elsewhere, but I had feeling that they would keep following me.

I may want more than anything to kill the Volturi, but I know that they keep the vampire world mostly in order and I honestly don't want that responsibility. And I don't feel like having vampires stalk me for eternity, so I'm just going to meet them. At least they might be able to give me some accurate answers on what I am.

I change clothes and look in the mirror, looking at the changes that had taken place since I was first changed into whatever I am.

I had vampire bites marking my body now. They just showed up out of no where, burning and freezing at the same time, a few years after I was turned.

I was shocked when I saw them, because I had never been bitten during battle, my shields made it impossible.

I later deduced that they were the bites that Pierre had given me, and for some reason the scars just showed up late. Apparently Pierre had been quite the sadist, there were over one hundred bites marking my arms, my neck, and legs.

I don't wear short sleeves or shorts anywhere. The bites disgust me every time I look at them, so I don't want anyone else to see them either.

And as I look in the mirror, it's easy to see why Edward never really wanted me, and never will want me.

I punch the mirror and watch in the remaining shattered pieces as my face twists into a grimace. I turn away.

I run out of the empty apartment I am currently staying in and start to head to the warehouse I'm supposed to meet the Volturi at.

Maybe a miracle will happen and they will know how to kill me. Maybe.


	9. Contacts

A/N: Guys I'm loving the reviews!!! I'd like to give a special thanks to LivsMom and Chloe Miranda, you guys are great. And no Chloe Miranda, you weren't rude, I really appreciate your excitement!!!!!!! And all of you other guys are great too!!!!!!

Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

-frozen416

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Outside the warehouse I was met with a burly vampire that had curly black hair, crimson eyes, and a chalky olive complexion.

He looked me up and down and seemed surprised, I guess he didn't expect the menace of the Southern Wars to be a woman. He quickly recovered from his shock and stepped forward to greet me.

"Hello. My name is Felix and I am an elite member of the Volturi. The brothers are waiting for you inside."

I studied his body language while he spoke.

It wouldn't be good if out of no where he tried to attack me and I had to kill him, I'm sure that the Volturi would be angry. And I don't want to take out the whole Volturi because they attacked me.

But he was calm with only a sliver of discomfort under his mask of emotions. His chest swelled with pride when he spoke of his rank and when he mentioned the brothers his expression became slightly apprehensive.

It was easy to tell that he was a little scared of them, and from the stories I had heard about the unknown brothers down here, I'm not surprised.

I didn't say anything as I followed him into the warehouse; there were over twenty five vampires. I could easily tell which three were the brothers.

They were a lot paler than the others and their skin looked like it had a papery feel to it, fragile, silently telling me that they had seen many millennia.

They were surrounded by bodyguards when I walked in, but that soon changed when the one in the middle smiled brightly and immediately approached me.

"Ah! Are you the young one who has been cleaning up the wars for us?"

He had looked a bit incredulous when he first saw me, but now his burgundy eyes sparkled with awareness.

"Do you have a gift child?"

I kept my face carefully blank, hiding my surprise. And nodded gracefully before starting my own interrogation.

"What are your names?"

I knew that my voice was even more appealing than theirs, but they all looked extremely shocked when they heard my voice. The speaker was the first to break out of his trance.

"My name is Aro my child, and my brothers are Cauis and Marcus."

Aro had deep black hair that flowed down to his shoulders and Marcus had the same. But Cauis had stark white hair that ramed his face; it was only a bit lighter than his skin.

While Aro was still smiling at me, Marcus wore a completely blank face, similar to mine, and Cauis wore a deep scowl.

Aro brought my attention back to him by asking me.

"And your name is Abbadon?"

I nodded slowly.

"You know I read something many years ago, that said the meaning of Abbadon is avenging or fallen angel. Did you choose a new name after you were changed?

His eyes narrowed slightly until I answered him with a soft, yes.

It was amusing that they thought I was a vampire. I had put on red contactsearlier, as to not make anyone aware of my considerably different species, whatever it may be, unless I wanted them to know.

"Do you remember your human name, Abbadon?"

I nodded and had to suppress the growl that was growing in my throat.

He didn't need to know about my past. Nobody did.

"Will you tell me?"

I stiffened and forced myself to relax before growling out.

"No. Why would you need to know?"

Aro looked taken aback and out of the corner of my eye I saw a vampire with pale blond hair, around the age of thirteen, concentrating very hard on me. didn't really care, her gift whatever it was, wouldn't work on me.

I ignored her and soon every vampire in the room, even Marcus, was staring at me strangely.

"Abbadon, do you feel any pain right now?"

I narrowed my eyes.

"No."

Aro's eyes widened considerably and he looked almost gleeful.

"What is your gift?"

"I am a shield in both the mental and physical sense."

If he had been human, Aro would have pissed his pants in excitement.

"Would you like to join my guard dear?"

The answer was an easy one. Thinking about it wasn't even necessary.


	10. Fate

A/N: Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"No."

Aro looked more than shocked and taken aback before his expression turned almost angry.

"Why not? We are the most powerful vampire coven in the world in the world. You should feel honored that I want you to join."

I decided to be truthful.

"Because I would never work for the devil. And I hate vampires."

Aro wore an insulted expression for a moment before it twisted into a mask of confusion.

"But dear, you are a vampire."

I didn't say anything. And his expression soon turned to a fake apologetic one.

"I'm sorry Abbadon, but I'm not going to be able to let you leave. Your gift could help us do great things."

Towards the end of his statement, his burgandy eyes sparkled like madly, and soon two guards stepped forward to try and hold me down.

Try, being the key word in that sentence. My shield made it impossible for them to come near me.

I allowed myself a small grin, before I froze all of the vampires.

I unfolded my wings, and watched as the brothers' eyes all grew so wide, I thought that their eyeballs would fall out.

I briefly stroked my beautiful feathers before whispering a soft goodbye that they all heard, and flying through the window that acted as the ceiling of the warehouse.

And when I was high in the starless sky, I unfroze the Volturi and flew off to my new destination. Canada.

But even as I was nearing miles away, I could still hear Aro shouting orders to his followers.

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I spent years in Canada,exploring and trying to painful memories, just existing.

I didn't hear from the Volturi again. But I'm sure that Aro was looking for me, he strikes me as the sort of person that is very possesive of his potential pawns.

Luckily when I'm flying they can't catch my scent, which didn't change much from when I was human, except for the part of me smelling good but non - edible.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would have turned out if I had never met Edward or the Cullens. If I had never found out about vampires, if I had never been a toy thrown aside when they were done with it.

Would I have fallen in love with someone human? Gotten married? Would I have had children? Little babies that I could cuddle and watch grow up.

Or would I have somehow met this fate anyway?

And then there are dark moments where I think, if I had known how my life would turn out after I fell in love with Edward, would I do it all again?

The sad thing is that I don't know. I hate him and his family, but deep inside I know that I still love him a little bit. And because of that, I hate him even more for it.

For making me fall in love with him and then taking it all away.


	11. Screams

A/N: This chapter is so sad!!! I almost started to cry as I wrote it!!! Please review!!!!

-frozen416

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In Canada I spent my time observing the animals. I watched the birds and wolves the most. They were fascinating, when I watched them in their natural habitat I forgot about everything but them.

There was one wolf that I had grown to love over time, he had been exiled by his pack and now wondered alone.

I named him Jake.

His reddish brown coat made him the most beautiful wolf I had ever seen, it's what brought my attention to him at first. And when he had been cast out, it just made us more similar. But even before he had been exiled, he always seemed a bit withdrawn from the pack, introverted, if that's possible for an animal.

I stayed close enough to him that I could follow him easily, but far enough that he wouldn't notice me.

Animals are much more observant than humans. And because of this fact he caught onto me.

He was aggressive at first, but as he saw that I wasn't going to make a move to hurt him, he let me get closer to him. Now I'm able to pet him and play with him and at night he curls up in my side even though I don't sleep.

He's my best friend.

I didn't watch the falcons for long. I only stayed around them long enough to pick up some flying techniques. They made my flying swifter and I could easily make sharp turns in the air now.

Jake and I started to head into Alaska.

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Once we entered Alaska, Jake started to hunt and my following him would scare off all of the animals so I flew up into the mountains to watch the sunset.

I was busy thinking of my times with my best friend, the only happy memories I have from this existence, when I heard a piercing howl cut through the frozen night air.

I immediately flew at top speed towards it knowing it was Jake.

When I got to him, I was horrified to find that a vampire was drinking from him.

They hadn't even bothered to snap his neck before they drank from him, to save him the pain.

I flung the vampire against the trees and held her there as I held Jake.

He was whimpering and yowling because of the venom in his bloodstream.

And I knew that I had to end it for him. A wolf vampire would be a disaster; he wouldn't be able to control his bloodlust.

I hugged him close to my chest before snapping his neck in the most precise and painless way possible.

I held his body close to me for several more minutes; I could feel myself shaking from the dry sobs.

Dry sobbing is a horrible feeling; it's your body's way of mocking you, telling you that you're not human and you're not allowed to cry because of it.

It was only when I heard the rustling against the trees, I remembered the female vampire that had killed Jake.

I gently laid his body on the frozen ground and turned to face her with blazing icy blue eyes.

As soon as I saw her face, I froze.

All the pain I had ever experienced in my existence came back full force and my fury only grew.

What right did they have to take away the only thing I had left?!?!?!

It was Rosalie with her wonder filled face that I was holding against the tree.

I was still frozen when she called out,

"Bella?!?!?!"

She had obviously recognized me, but I still shook my head. That wasn't my name anymore.

I let her drop to the ground; I didn't want any part of me touching her.

"No."

She looked confused as she heard my answer, but I did see a little bit of awe on her face as she heard my voice.

"You're alive, Bella!! We all thought you were dead! Edward will be so happy! –"

"Stop it. My name isn't _Bella _anymore. _Bella _is gone."

My voice was starting to crack; I needed for her to leave. Everything was crashing down on me.

And she has the nerve to say that Edward will be happy I'm here! What?! Did he run out of toys?!?!

"Now, please leave. I'm trying to control my temper, but you just killed him. You killed my best friend!!!"

Realization dawned on her face and sorrow soon followed. She started to apologize but I ignored her and turned back to Jake.

I heard he whisper,

"I'll go get Edward."

Before the sound of her quiet footsteps soon disappeared.

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But I knew that he wouldn't actually be coming, I was just an old toy that had been thrown away.

They had never wanted me.

Rosalie should know that better than anyone.

So I gently scooped up Jake's body and ran up the mountainside, fighting dry sobs the whole time.

I stopped when I found a cave and put him down on the cold hard rock floor, as I dug a hole in the rock.

I wrapped him in my jacket and placed an icy kiss on his furry head before setting him inside the deep hole.

I covered his grave with large stones, so other creatures wouldn't be able to get to him.

I carved a tombstone out of the cave and engraved,

Jake

Four years old

The greatest best friend in the world,

I'll always remember you.

I set the tombstone on his grave and stared at it emptily.

He was gone. Jake was gone.

Finally the pain and torment became too much and I started to scream.


	12. Name

A/N: Hey!!! Hope you enjoy this chapter!!! Please read my other stories also.

Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-frozen416

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I wanted so much for everything to be just a cruel nightmare that my subconscious had created to hurt me, but I could hear the soft quick footsteps of vampires coming towards me and was forced to believe this real.

I was on the ground with my arms cradling my knees to me when seven vampires came into the opening of my cave. My pain tripled as I saw their faces.

The perfect family.

The family that I had never been apart of.

All of the couples were holding hands, and I felt my anger grow as I looked at their subtle display of affection.

Did they come here just to mock me? Right after they killed my best friend?

I felt my expression become cold and distant, hiding my extreme pain and anger.

Alice looked at me with a pained expression before saying,

"Bella?"

I made my voice pointedly cold when I said,

"Like I told your sister, my name is no longer _Bella._ Now if you'll excuse me I need to leave."

The family all flinched and their expressions became even more pained. I didn't look at Edward at all; I really didn't need to see his annoyance at my very presence right now.

I was going to go to the moon after I left Alaska. I needed to be isolated from everything else now.

If I wasn't alone soon I knew that my emotions would get out of control and I would most likely hurt someone.

"What should we call you then?"

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Carlisle's voice. When I looked up I found the family looking at me anxiously.

"You won't have to call me anything. I'm leaving now."

And with that I went to take a step out of the cave but was attacked by a black and white blur. Alice.

She was sobbing incoherently and trying to hug my waist but only hugging the outline of my shield.

She didn't seem to notice, but the others did and were looking at us with very wide eyes.

"Bella…. P-please stay…..I –I need you to stay….. You're my b-best friend…… I just found out that you're a-alive. Please s-stay!!!!"

I looked at her coolly, even though I was almost dying from the pain that her false statements brought me, and said in a very controlled voice.

"Alice, you and I both know that that's not true. You can stop pretending."

She looked up at me with blazing topaz eyes and was about to say something when Esme interrupted her.

"Why don't you just come to our house so you can take a shower and get refreshed before we figure this out?"

I wanted so badly to refuse but my clothes had Jake's blood on them and I don't know how long I would be able to smell him, and know that he wasn't here, before I went insane.

So I nodded expressionlessly and waited for them to lead me to their house. I could have just flown there, but I didn't want them to know what I could do. I didn't trust them to not go and tell Aro after they found out.

It took a lot longer that it would have taken me, but I didn't say anything.

I was still trying to hold back dry sobs.

And the whole time we had been in the cave and running I had felt a pair of eyes burning into the side of my head.

I ran about 10 feet away from the Cullens, while they ran together in a formation.

I wasn't in their family and that fact had been burned into my mind.

Their house was just as beautiful as the one in Washington had been, but this time I didn't comment on it.

Esme led me into the guest bathroom and went to get me some clean clothes. I stripped and stepped into the shower, without waiting for Esme to come back.

When she did, I was already completely covered by the shower curtain so she couldn't see my ugly scars, but before I could protest Esme took my clothes downstairs to wash them.

I scrubbed my skin as much as I could and washed my hair enjoying the feeling of warmth the hot water brought. When I was done I stepped out of the shower refreshed, but other than that still completely over run with my extreme emotions.

It was a good thing that I had had many years to practice hiding my emotions because if I hadn't, I would have still been screaming.

When I went to change I noticed a very large problem. Esme had given me a short sleeve shirt.

There was nothing else I had to change into so I put it on, but was seriously contemplating staying in the bathroom.

In the end I knew that someone would come looking for me soon if I didn't show, so I went downstairs after I put my jeans not bothering to look in the mirror.

I walked at human pace down the stairs trying to prolong the time I had before they saw just how disgusting I really was, but it had to end sometime and I soon reached the bottom of the staircase.

As soon as I walked into the room everyone gasped in horror and shock at the sight of the many scars covering my neck and arms.

Edward looked furious when he saw them.

I may have been shocked at that but I kept my expression carefully schooled with my expressionless mask. He was most likely angry at me for causing such a disturbance within his family.

Alice was the first to speak and her face showed her disturbance.

"Bella, what happened to you?"

Her voice was saturated in shock and horror.

I looked at them with cold expression at the use of that name and simply said.

"My change wasn't very pleasant."

They looked like they wanted to be sick. I didn't know what Edward was feeling, refused to look at him again. It simply wasn't worth the pain.

Jasper was the next to question me.

"If you don't mind my asking, what did you change your name to?"

I smirked, I would tell them. I wanted to see Jasper's reaction when he found out my identity.

"My name is Abbadon, but I go by Abby."

He lost all traces of the slight color in his face and he looked both frightened and amazed, I watched expressionless as he subtly pulled Alice behind him.

I gave a gentle smirk and asked.

"So you've heard of me?"

He nodded and managed to get out.

"How is that possible?"

I would tell them. Everything.

I was leaving the planet after this so Aro wouldn't be able to follow me if they told, and I wanted to see the guilt on their faces after they found out what they had caused.

"I'm going to tell you a little secret."

I stage whispered. I knew that they would be able hear me from across the room if I wanted them to.

And looking at their apprehensive faces, I couldn't help but feel another stab of pain for the loss of the unattainable.

"I'm not even a vampire."


	13. Hell

A/N: I loved all the review guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-frozen416

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Their faces showed their shock and disbelief but Rosalie's showed anger.

"I don't know what you're trying to pull,_ Abby_, but it isn't going to work. We know that you're a vampire."

I ignored her and turned to Carlisle, who was staring at me in disbelief.

"Carlisle, I think you've been around long enough to know what the meaning of my name is."

His face immediately turned thoughtful and curious before twisting into realization.

"How is that possible? They don't exist."

I felt my face turn cold and distant as I thought of my past.

"I don't know if I really am one, but it's the only reasonable explanation."

Everyone except Carlisle was looking at us in irritation for being kept out of the loop.

Strangely, on his god like face, Edward had the expression of relief.

I narrowed my eyes, wondering why he was reacting like that, and he seemed to flinch. I felt an extreme flash of pain in my chest, and had to grind my teeth to prevent myself from screaming.

I guess I was that disgusting.

I turned back to Carlisle and said in a controlled voice.

"Would you like me to show you what I mean?"

He nodded and I turned to Esme.

"Do you think I could borrow some scissors?"

She looked very confused but said,

"Of course dear."

She was back from the kitchen in seconds with a pair of scissors.

I ran up to the bathroom and cut two large slits down the back of my shirt, and was outside in seconds with my now cut up shirt back on.

I waited as the Cullens slowly trickled out the back door. Rosalie and Jasper looked apprehensive, while Carlisle, Esme, Alice, and Emmett just looked bewildered. And Edward, well I didn't even look at Edward.

When they were all outside, I heard Carlisle's soft voice say.

"What did you want to show us, Abby?"

I looked down at the dewy grass for a second, knowing that they would think I was just that much more of a freak after this, but let the feeling of my wings coming out overwhelm me.

I heard several surprised gasps from behind me, but I kept my eyes closed.

It wasn't I heard footsteps in front of me, when I finally opened my eyes.

Alice stood there, her face a mix between extreme sadness and amazement.

"Bella, what happened to you?"

I gave her the simplest and most descriptive answer I could come up with.

"Hell. Hell happened to me."


	14. Teardrops

I could feel the raindrops bouncing off of my shield and I couldn't help but feel a flash of bitterness.

These vampires could easily kill themselves if they wanted to, but I was the one that was stuck here. Forced to exist for eternity.

I pushed those thoughts aside and looked at the rest of the Cullens.

Carlisle was staring at me with shock but there was an undertone of realization in his expression, while Esme looked at me with amazement echoing in her topaz eyes.

Rosalie and Emmett looked at me in just plain shock, where as Jasper was looking at me in disbelief and slight panic for Alice.

Edward's expression was a mix between thoughtfulness and agony. I didn't want to know what he was thinking about.

Alice's voice brought me back to the present.

"Bella, can you tell me how this happened?"

As she asked me this, she stepped forward and lightly brushed her slightly warm fingers against my feathers.

I nodded expressionlessly and gestured that we should go back into the house. I knew that Jasper was beyond worried about Alice even being near me, and once again I felt a small flash of sadness and bitterness.

I guess I don't get to have a best friend.

We all went inside, me following the Cullens, and they dried off before coming back to sit on the couches.

I sat alone on a small couch near the window, while the Cullens all sat together on the big couch parallel to me.

I didn't look at them as I started talking; I just stared out the window watching the rain hit the windowpane, getting lost in my memories.

"Four months after you…_left..._Charlie died trying to save me from a robbery at Newton's. I was forced to watch him die, but couldn't get him any help."

I made sure that my face was completely blank as I told them this, even though I could still remember it and feel the pain of it like it had happened just yesterday.

"After he died, Renee informed me that she was disowning me for turning down her offer to live with her in Jacksonville the previous spring."

I was so lost in my memories that I couldn't even hear or see the outside world anymore.

"At that point, I had absolutely nothing left so I jumped off a cliff in La Push."

I couldn't contain my anger as I talked about my foiled suicide attempt.

"I was unfortunately then_ saved_, by a sadistic vampire. My change lasted seven days, and was extremely different than all of yours.

Instead of being burned, I was frozen."

I closed my eyes briefly, remembering my change. In a way it had felt like I was being burned during my change, because of the feeling that I was being frost bitten.

"When I woke up, the vampire was still there. As soon as I had opened my eyes he looked confused and frightened, he left me alone soon after most likely christening me a freak of nature in his mind."

As I was talking, I swiftly pulled the red contacts off my eyes and showed the clan my empty frozen blue eyes.

All of them gasped in shock when they saw my eyes, but I soon returned to watching the rain and expressionlessly telling my story.

"I found out after the vampire left that I had wings, I spent a day experimenting with what I could do. I have all of the traits of a vampire except for the bloodlust, eye color, and my wings.

I don't need any sustenance, so I haven't eaten anything in over forty years.

I went south after that."

I turned to look at Jasper's shocked face.

"Why don't you tell them what you've heard about my time in the South, Jasper."

He looked around at his family and finally stopped at Edward before starting to talk.

"From the beginning of her change she started to kill off all the vampire armies. She's easily killed over one hundred vampires in one battle alone."

Carlisle and Esme's expression consisted of extreme sadness, while Emmett was in awe. Alice was glaring at Edward, and Rosalie was looking at me with a look of disbelief on her face.

But Edward was the worst; he was looking at me with an expression that was a mix of being horrified and extremely angry.

I flinched away from his gaze, feeling more pain than I had ever experienced hit me all at once.

I stared back out at the teardrops of the clouds falling from the sky, trying to regain my composure before taking over the story telling again.

"When I first starting fighting, I figured out my power or curse.

I have a complete mental and physical shield, so I was never able to get hurt during any battles."

They must have noticed my bitter and dark tone but luckily for me, they didn't question me.

I didn't say anything for few minutes, reveling in the disappointment caused by the fact that I'll always be here.


	15. Let's Pretend Again

A/N: Hey guys. This chapter was really emotional, so please review.

-frozen416

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"I know what you're thinking and no, I didn't just kill vampires for sport.

I left the ones that could control themselves and the _vegetarians_ alone."

They all looked a little bit relieved at this information.

I turned back to the window and watched from a distance as a deer burrowed down for the storm with her mother. I looked away.

"Bella, what else happened?"

I felt my jaw automatically clench at the use of that name, but I answered Alice none the less.

"After about thirty years of fighting, I made a mistake in battle and the Volturi found out my identity.

I let them think I was a vampire but they found out about my _powers."_

My emotionless mask slipped a bit and they saw my grimace at the word.

"Aro wanted me to join the guard, and when I refused, he was going to try and force me.

I flew through the ceiling and I haven't seen them again, but I do imagine that they are still looking for me.

I headed to Canada after that."

They must have noticed my tone when I mentioned Canada, because they didn't question my time there.

"How does your physical shield work?"

I smirked darkly as Rosalie asked this question.

"It works as a second skin, nothing can get through it and I can't turn it off."

She looked taken aback by my expression but I ignored her, lost in my thoughts.

I would be leaving soon, getting out of their hair.

I'm sure that Edward will be happy when I'm gone, his broken toy finally gone.

I glanced at Edward and he wore the same expression as earlier, thoughtful and agonized, but there was also something else there now. It was hope.

Maybe he was guessing what I was going to do.

I ignored the sharp pain in my chest and sharply stood up.

When I spoke, my voice was barely controlled.

"I think it's time I left, now. I've stayed far too long."

They all looked alarmed at something as I said this and it caused me to raise one delicate eyebrow.

When Alice staring speaking her tone was desperate.

"Bella!!! You can't leave!!!! We just found you again!!!"

I looked at her blankly. Why do they insist on keeping up this charade? It only hurt me more and Edward was obviously against my being anywhere near his family.

His family.

The others all started their protests on why I couldn't leave and I was pained to see that even Carlisle and Esme started in.

Even the people I had seen as a second mother and father figure were trying to toy with my emotions.

I tuned everything out as I turned and started heading to towards the front door at human pace.

I was almost to the door when I heard a voice that was part of my undoing forty years ago.

"Bella, can I speak to you for a moment?"

I froze when I felt a fresh wave of pain accompany his melodic voice.

I turned and saw that his expression was one of pure determination.

I knew what he was going to do and it killed me inside. I felt my expression crumple into a pain filled one and could barely manage to shake my head.

"No."

I wanted so badly for my feet to move but I felt like they had been frozen to the ground.

"Love, please? We need to talk."

At the sound of my old pet name I broke.

My emotions finally ripped through my carefully cultivated mask.

"Why are you doing this to me?!?!? Did I do something to make you torture me like this?!?!?

I lost EVERYTHING because of you and you all still feel the need to toy with me!!!! To play with my emotions for your own amusement!!!!!!!

Stop hurting me!!!!!!! Just STOP it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I fell to the ground sobbing and rocking myself.

I didn't care about dignity or self respect anymore. I just wanted it to be over.

I just wanted it to be over.


	16. Comfort

**A/N: Sorry it's short. Just think of it as a preview, I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. **

**Check out my new stories, 'Trapped In Unreality' and 'Stolen Dreams'.**

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**-frozen416**

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**I felt myself being lifted up by warm arms, but I couldn't bring myself to really protest.**

**It felt like all of the fight in me was completely gone.**

**And even though I knew that they would just break me even more when they were done pretending, I couldn't help but revel in the closeness of me and whoever was holding me. **

**I knew that I would never be capable of physical contact, but I could feel their presence around my shield and that was enough.**

**I was scared to open my eyes, afraid that I was just hallucinating and the Cullen's would be staring at me like I was crazy.**

**A gentle sob snapped me out of my nightmarish thoughts and I looked up to find myself being cradled in Esme's diamond hard arms.**

"**I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry my baby."**

**I wanted to cry in that moment, wanting so much for this to be real.**

**A dry sob tore through my chest and Esme just held me tighter, if I had been human she would have crushed my bones.**

"**I'm here. I'm here baby. I'm never going to leave you again."**

**And even though she was probably lying, I believed her.**

**Because even the scared wild animal needs someone to comfort them in a vulnerable time.**


	17. Distain

**A/N: Hey!!! This chapter was so sad to write but to me it seemed like the only thing that fit. I'll try to update soon.**

**Please review!!!!!! And feel free to PM or Email me any ideas or advice you have for any of my stories.**

**My email is **

**Later people.**

**-frozen416**

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I heard their footsteps as the others left the room, and soon I was alone with my former mother figure.

She hugged me as tight as she could with my shield for hours, it was a wonderful feeling. I felt safe for the first time in so long.

But even now, the memories still haunted me.

Renee's face as she insulted me in the middle of my own father's funeral, when she was supposed to be comforting me.

Her mouth curling around her ugly words as Phil held her close to him.

'You're just an ungrateful bitch.

If you would have listened to me before, this never would have happened. It's too late now though, stay the hell away from us!'

I remember the sound of their footsteps as they walked away from me, but not really being able to hear anything else.

My brain was so focused on the sound of my own mother walking away from me that I blocked out the commotion around me after that.

The sound of the ambulance as Mr. Weber helped load me into it because I couldn't breathe anymore.

The deafening sound of their pity.

"Bella?"

Esme's voice brought me out of my flashback and I looked up to see her wide concerned topaz eyes staring down at me.

And all of my hate and anger and pain come back. Wrapping themselves around me like a blanket.

Because I know that it's all an act. A sadistic act.

I step away from her trying to control my temper.

"Bella, honey? What's the matter?"

Her wind chime voice is worried.

I start to step towards the back door, readying my wings to leave.

"Bella!! You need to stay!! Please you need to stay!!"

And she sounds so convincing that I want to stay for a split second. But then I remember reality and keep walking towards the door.

The others have come down by now. They just watch me go as they stand on the stairs.

"Bella, please we love you!!"

I never thought Esme would be one of the ones to try and break my already shattered heart but I guess I was wrong.

I feel the tears gather in my eyes, but they would never fall.

As I pass by the others, I whisper,

"I guess the game's finally over."

I don't look to see their reactions and keep walking.

When I finally reach my exit, I look back at Esme with my frozen eyes and whisper,

"I'm sorry."

And I don't know who I'm saying it to. Me or her.

My wings catch the cold night air easily and I don't enjoy it.

I only manage to fly about twenty miles before I break down and have to land.

My subconscious dragged up a memory I had hidden decades ago.

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His expressions had been almost all the same these last few days. Cold, detached, and annoyed.

Right now his face was just cold, like he didn't even know me.

"Isabella, will you come for a walk with me?"

I had just gotten out of my truck to find Edward's Volvo in Charlie's spot in the driveway.

I tried not to let the uncertainty and confusion show on my face as I nodded.

He led me to the forest near my house keeping a careful distance of three feet between us, I was tempted to grab his hand just to see how he would react.

When we were a little way into the forest he abruptly stopped, startling me and turned to me.

His eyes were watching with dark amusement and frozen distain. He wore a victorious smirk on his perfectly shaped lips and for the first time ever I felt a small hint of panic.

"Isabella, my family and I have decided that it's time that I tell you the truth."

My eyes narrowed minimally.

"What are you talking about?"

"The truth is that I don't really love you. I've never loved you, you're just a play thing. Something to pass the time.

I find a new one every time we move."

I felt like I had just had my heart ripped out and burned in front of me. Edward looked on in cruel amusement before he continued.

"If I really wanted someone to love, I would have found a vampire. They wouldn't cause as much trouble."

He looked at me accusingly, and I almost lost it.

I wanted so much to break down right now, but I wasn't going to let myself. I wasn't going to give him the pleasure of seeing me break. Seeing me cry. Not now.

I looked him in the eyes as he told me in his inhumanly beautiful voice,

"Goodbye, Isabella."

It sounded so much like he was talking to someone else. Someone that wasn't me.

I saw a white blur flash before my eyes and I knew that he was gone.

He had actually left me.

I clutched my chest as I ran back to the house, I couldn't breathe anymore.

I felt like I was having a panic attack.

I locked myself in my bedroom and fell to the floor, hoping with everything I had that this was just a sick nightmare and I would wake up to find Edward's arms around me.

Needless to say, I never did.

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	18. Numb

I hold my knees and just rock myself for what seems like eternity, hoping in vain that the images will somehow disappear.

I don't know how long I sit there on the forest floor but soon I am covered in a blanket of snow.

Painfully, I acknowledge that even the frozen rain is a higher temperature than me.

The forest is dead quiet. No trace of the animals that live here are audible.

In the distance I see the cave that I buried Jake in and another rush of anger and pain surrounds me.

I was stupid and now I'm paying for it.

Swiftly, I stand up and unfold my wings and take off into the cold night air. The moon is glowing beautiful in the night sky and I can't stop the melancholy reminder of the plans I made involving her from invading my thoughts.

I would love more than anything to go to the moon and enjoy the utter solitude it would bring me. But I know that if I went now my thoughts and the memories would attack me, sufficiently torturing me even more. So instead I will head south again, and hope that it will at least be able to minimally keep my mind occupied.

The flight from Alaska to New Mexico seems short to me, but I am unable to accurately tell how much time passes anymore. It just doesn't matter anymore. The days are short and the years seem to flash by.

I don't know how long I fought in the South this round. There were hardly as many vampire armies as there were the first time though. The states and cities blurred in my head and I'm not sure where I even am anymore. Florida? Louisiana?

I know that the Volturi are still trying to track me, I caught Felix's scent one day while I was in the south and I'm not naïve enough to think that he would have been down here for any other reason than looking for me. But I can't bring myself to care anymore.

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	19. Insane

**A/N: Guys seriously I have over 12,000 hits but only about 130 reviews!!!!!! That's just wrong!!!!!! So Please Review!!!!!!!! Onto other news, I'm writing a novel!!!!!! Just dwell on that. Sorry I took so long to update I've been busy with bio and algebra hw lately. But this chapter was pretty long so I hope you enjoy!!!!!!**

**Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**-frozen416**

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Things have been quiet lately and it's driving me insane day by day. I've spent to much time lost in my thoughts and its been getting more painful I think about them. I'm still not sure exactly where I am but I have been staying in a cave in the mountains. I remember heading north at some point but that's as far as it goes.

Years have past since I saw them and I'm not sure how much longer I'll be sane, if I'm even sane at all anymore. Their faces all dance behind my eyes and I'm forced to endure it again and again. Sometimes, even though it's even more destructive for me, I like to pretend that Esme and Alice were telling the truth, that Edward still loved me and that I'd have a family to spend forever with. But as much as I feel good when I'm imagining a happy life with them, one where none of this happened, it only kills me more when I come back to reality to find that I'm completely alone and was only living a lie.

I'm curled up in a ball in the darkest corner of the cave I'm in. My arms are holding my torso tightly and I briefly remember this action from my human life. The pain is growing extremely high as Edward's face, angry and horrified, comes to my mind. I never get used to the feeling of rejection.

I'm broken out of my reverie by the subtle sound of footsteps approaching my cave. They were too soft to be human so I immediately knew that they belonged to a vampire. I swiftly stand up, awaiting my new rival. I'm sure that I looked fierce as I stood in the dark. My expression was completely blank but my blue eyes held a concealed anger that I had had for all of my existence, my hair was blown out wildly behind me, and I stood stiffly with the knowledge that I would have to yet again take another life.

The vampire walks slowly, cautiously and I vaguely wonder how they know that I'm here. As soon as they walk into the opening of the cave I freeze them. I'm not very surprised to find that the vampire is Felix of the Volturi Guard. I unfreeze his head so that he can talk and glare at him through hate filled eyes. He wears a smirk but his unconcealed fear is very visible in his burgundy eyes.

"Abbadon."

He says in greeting, I say nothing.

"The brothers would like to yet again invite you to join the Volturi."

I smirked at him before saying a quiet,

"No thank you."

I could easily see what my voice did to him this time around, the only emotion I was able to read in his eyes now was lust. Pure, lust. If he had been human I'm pretty sure he might have been drooling. I raised my eyebrows at him and he shook his head as if to clear away any dirty thoughts.

"I'm afraid that you have no choice. Aro has kidnapped your friends, the Cullens, as incentive for you to join him. I'm sorry."

And he did look genuinely sorry. Maybe I would spare him when I massacred the Volturi, I could always use some company, even if he's a vampire.

I calmly nodded at him before unfreezing him and gesturing for him to lead the way. He did so in silence.

It was so strange after that, I just couldn't feel anything. It wasn't Felix because if it was his power it wouldn't have worked on me. So this was me. I finally lost it, it wasn't all that surprising. Being forced again and again to see the people who are continually breaking your heart and soul for their own amusement.

It wasn't until Felix brought me out to a large clear field that I finally noticed we were there. I turned to Felix and leaned close to him, whispering in his ear.

"I'll let you live if you become a vegetarian."

He looked pained for a moment before he nodded and went back to looking as if he were trying not to jump me. Men.

I turned back to the field and saw that everyone was watching us. The Volturi had the Cullens in their grasp and were directly across from Felix and I. Aro looked delighted to even see me, like a little boy on Christmas, while Cauis just looked interested. Marcus like always looked just like me with his blank face.

Calmly I froze everyone, and started to rip all of the vampires to pieces except for Felix, Marcus, and the Cullens. I collected all of the cold white limbs that now littered the ground without even flinching and on the opposite side of the field started a large bonfire. When I looked back at the group, I could see Marcus' semi-surprised as he realized that I had left him alive. He walked towards me with a cool pace but enveloped me in a hug as soon as he reached me.

"Thank you."

I didn't question his reaction, it was his story to tell and I was going to make him tell me. I simply nodded at him with blank eyes, looking at the purple smoke that now permeated through out the air.

He released me and I asked him in a quiet voice,

"You're welcome to travel with me if you'd like. My only rule is that you become a vegetarian."

He gave me a small smile and just nodded. I looked back at Felix and saw that he was staring at me in amazement, he immediately ran towards me when he saw me looking at him.

"That was so cool, Abbadon. I can see how you've killed off the newborn armies now."

My jaw clenched as I remembered yet again how many people I had killed. They may not have been good people but they were still people. He must have seen my agitation because he soon dropped it.

I didn't want to speak to the Cullens now, but I'm sure that Marcus would like to speak to Carlisle before we leave. I turned to them and saw that Marcus was already speaking to him, and was surprised when Marcus gestured for me to come over. I let my blank mask fall back down as I walked down to them. I didn't want to think about the amount of pain I was going to be in when I saw Edward's probably horrified and disgusted face.


	20. Sinister

**A/N: Hey guys, hope you enjoy this chapter! And if you would like me to send you the prologue of the novel I'm writing just contact me and I'll be sure to send it to you. It has to do with the supernatural, but not vampires. That idea has become entirely too overused so I'm changing it around. **

**Please Review!!!!!!!!!!!**

**-frozen416**

****

My expression was perfectly blank as I walked towards the Cullen clan. I could hear Felix's soft footsteps behind me and it comforted me just a little bit, at least I wasn't walking into hell alone.

I could practically hear my sanity breaking away as I took in their joyous faces. I bet it just made their year, the Volturi was dead and now they had someone to play with. I wonder what will happen when I go crazy. Will I go on a raving rampage? Or will my mind just unravel, leaving me with incoherent thoughts for the rest of eternity?

I was brought out of my thoughts by the sound of someone clearing their throat.

Looking up I could see Carlisle and Esme staring at me with unconcealed gratefulness, Marcus was next to them with a mixed expression of curiosity and his always present blankness.

"You can't imagine how thankful we are Abbadon."

I resisted the urge to scowl at Esme's words. Who was she to tell me what I was and wasn't capable of.

"We will forever be in your debt Abbadon. I never thought that Aro would do something so sinister. He and I used to be good friends before I found my family."

I almost flinched at his words, but held myself back and permitted myself an ironic smirk. I'm sure that I looked odd, my eyes were completely dazed as if I wasn't even seeing them but I had an almost evil smirk present on my perfect face.

"I think that Aro was well practiced in the art or being sinister. He did orchestrate the murders of perhaps millions of vampires and humans alike."

Carlisle nodded at my logic looking very forlorn as he remembered the facts. I heard Felix and Marcus' deep chuckles, they knew that I was right. I was looking around the clearing, ready to be free of this unnecessary torture as soon as possible when I was disturbed by the sound of several ferocious growls.

I felt my eyes widen as I took in the fifteen very large werewolves that now surrounded the clearing. I could hear the vampires behind me freeze in shock.

An enormous wave of pain hit me when I saw a wolf that looked exactly like a larger form of Jake. Seeing as he was the largest wolf there I immediately locked eyes with him, hoping I could somehow calm him down. His eyes were a deep brown, almost black and I felt like they were familiar somehow.

"Hello, my name is Abbadon."

The wolf shifted uncertainly. They must have been confused on why I, or any of the others, hadn't tried to attack them yet.

"Will the alpha of this pack please phase back? I'd like to be able to talk to you face to face.

I won't attack you, and the vampires certainly won't. They know that if they did, it'd be a lost battle."

The wolves shifted uncertainly for a few more moments before the leader turned and ran into the forest.

I was beyond shocked when I recognized the face that walked back into the clearing.

Jacob Black was walking towards me with a confused but apprehensive expression on his tanned face. He wore only cutoffs so I could clearly see what being a werewolf had done to his physique. He had an eight pack and all of his muscles were toned and shown bronze. He had definitely changed.

But how was he still alive?

"Hello."

His voice was rough and gravely, it gave me a shock since for years all I had heard were the melodic voices of vampires. The change was pleasant though.

"Hello. Do you remember me Jacob?"

His stoic expression shifted into a smile and I relaxed a little bit.

"Of course I do Bells. I've missed you."

He stepped forward and hugged me as he said this, and while the feeling of someone holding me outside my shield was pleasant, I couldn't help but wish that someone else would be holding me. I immediately blocked that thought, knowing of the pain I would be in if I allowed myself to indulge in that fantasy.

I heard some growls behind us but I ignored them. The vampires needed to get a grip.

"What happened to you Bells?"

I didn't bother to correct him on my name, he just reminded me of my Jake and this Jacob had been my best friend for a while after Edward left.

"I don't really like to talk about it, but I can assure you that I'm not a vampire."

He let out an earth shaking laugh.

"I kinda figured that out Bella. Seeing as you have blue eyes and you don't smell like a leech."

I was distracted by something I could see over his shoulder before I could respond.

The moon shone brightly in an almost eerie light on the dark trees and us. The light made Jake look haunted because of the shadows.

I felt myself get lost in thought, but I couldn't bring myself to get out of it. It felt like I was stuck there, almost like I was in a bad dream. Like a nightmare.

The first signs of insanity were finally shining through.


	21. Ribbons

**A/N: Hey guys. I'm surprised at how many of you added my story to your favorites and alerts list. Thank you. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**-frozen416 **

****

I could hear several voices calling out to me, wondering what was wrong, but I couldn't think of anything else but the moon.

In my mind it felt like ribbons were being torn apart, my sanity was shredded. I recalled briefly what I had done the last time this had happened, and immediately forced myself to focus on something else. Anything else, to get my mind free.

I knew that I had lost a considerable part of my sanity a while ago, and this was just one of the side affects. A more subtle effect it had on me was the ever present dazed look that was always in my eyes and sometimes even visible in my expression. Unfortunately, a painful effect of all of this was that sometimes I would be over come by flashbacks from both my human and immortal existence.

My mind had slowly unraveled and there was nothing I could do.

The image of Jacob's panicked face pushed itself to the forefront of my mind as he tried to figure out what had happened, and I focused on that, successfully breaking free.

"Bella?!? What's going on?!?! What's wrong honey ?!?"

I heard the growls of the vampires as they started getting panicked and the werewolves responded with even louder growls as they closed in, trying to be sure that their alpha was safe from them.

I could do nothing but give Jacob a small smile and try to assure him that I was fine while I felt like crying inside.

This was the final thing. The final piece to make sure that I'll never be able to fit in anywhere. I'm just a crazy immortal.

"Jake I'm fine."

I turned to Felix and Marcus as I heard their unnecessarily loud worries and said in a soft voice.

"I apologize for the panic, it was nothing. You can stop growling at Jake now Felix."

He looked at me with an almost offended face.

"That wasn't me Abby. It came from one of the Cullens."

I didn't bother looking over at the Cullens. With my luck it could've been Edward growling at me because I had caused this worry. This trouble.

I felt the burning behind my eyes and closed my eyes, trying to get a hold of my emotions. I needed to get away from all of these people, they were all to involved in my past and it was killing me even more inside.

"Jake is there a reason your pack decided to step out of the forest totally unannounced and growl at us? Because I have something I need to go do."

I thought I saw a light blush behind his dark tanned Indian skin when he answered.

"Well, we were tracking the Volturi because they started hunting near Seattle and we were about to attack when you killed them.

I'm sorry if we scared you Bellsy!"

He finished off his explanation cheekily, and I responded with an indifferent mask.

"I can assure you that I wasn't afraid. I'm not to sure about the rest of them though, I think Felix was about to drop dead when he heard your growling."

I finished off with a shrug of my shoulders, ignoring the death glare I got from Felix. Jake's resounding laugh was long and loud and I wished bitterly that I could laugh like that.

"You don't really have to leave so soon, do you Bells? You still haven't given me an explanation and I want to spend some time with my best friend!!!! I haven't seen you in forever!!!"

I thought for a moment before responding, I really had missed Jake.

"I just need to go off for a little while and then when I come back we'll spend some time together. Ok?"

Jake nodded a huge smile stretching across his face, looking remarkably like a little boy on his birthday.

I was turning towards the forest when I heard a voice that I would have given my life and humanity for in my human life. The only difference was that now it was businesslike and unemotional.

"Isabella, if we're making appointments for opportunities to speak to you, I will be after Jacob."

I felt the tears burn behind my eyes as he blew past me and had to restrain myself from breaking down on the hard clearing floor. I was running my fastest before I even knew where I was going. I just needed to get away. To run away from the broken pieces of my heart and my past.

Because my heart had shattered just a little bit more when Edward had spoken.


	22. Insult To The Injury

**A/N: Hope you enjoy and please review!!!!!!! I love getting messages and reviews!!!! They warm my cold dead heart. And for those readers of my story, 'Emotionless', I'm going to try to get a new longish update out soon.**

**-frozen416**

I don't know how long I had traveled in the forest, looking for some source of solace when I found a cliff. I would have ignored it and kept moving if it hadn't been for the fact that it was exactly like the cliff I threw myself off in La Push those many years ago. I walked unsteadily to a large rock that was near it and sat down, hoping to compose myself.

This was all just too much, almost like a reunion for all the people that hurt me. I softly cursed the cliff for not doing its job, if I had just died fast enough then that vampire's venom wouldn't have worked.

Looking up at the big glowing rock in the sky, I am bitterly pulled into a flashback that just pours more salt in my wounds.

'_Edward and I were lying in the meadow at midnight and everything looked enchanted. Like it might come alive. Alice had convinced Charlie to let me sleep over at the Cullen house and Edward decided to take me out here for a midnight run._

_I stood up on wobbly feet and started to walk around the meadow, enjoying the unreality of it all. I wanted it to be like this forever. I wanted to stay with Edward forever. _

_I was taken by surprise when cold arms wrapped around my waist, but I immediately relaxed when I remembered whom they belonged to._ _Edward stared down at me with warm topaz eyes._

"_I love you."_

_I didn't try to control my palpitating heartbeat anymore, it didn't do any good and I knew that he liked the sound of it. I leaned into him, burying myself in his chest and let a content smile spread over my face before answering._

"_I love you too. Always." _

_He looked away from me into the forest and didn't respond. _

_I should have known then that he wasn't planning on staying, that he didn't mean any of it. But I didn't, because I was a fool in love and it was only that much more humiliating and painful after he left. _

_It was only two weeks after that memory that he left.'_

I wish I were the type of person that could move on and be able to look back fondly on those memories, but I'm not. I've turned bitter after so many years of loneliness and carnage and now I can see the truth in my memories. The horrifyingly ugly truth that will always haunt me from the corners of my unraveling mind. I remember a saying that I had heard while I was human and it just added insult to the injury.

'_The worst thing about being lied to, is realizing that you aren't worth the truth.'_

I knew that if I was left with my thoughts for too long I would probably lose the little bit of my sanity I had left, so I headed back to the clearing looking for Jacob. It must have taken at least two hours to get back and when I got there, I was immediately assaulted by the sent of the werewolves. It didn't smell bad; it was just like you had your nose in the fur of a freshly bathed puppy.

Almost as soon as I stepped into the clearing, Jake ran over to me in his wolf form. I sat down on the forest floor and sat still as he laid his head on my lap and stared at me with knowledgeable brown eyes.

"What's up Jake?"

He barked in response and gave me a doggie grin.

He reminded me so much of my Jake that it hurt.


	23. Monster

**A/N: Hey people! You should all know that it's a miracle I could even publish this chapter because my laptop was infected with over 763 viruses just yesterday!!! Miraculously I downloaded some software my mom sent me and the disappeared. So, yeah. Hope you enjoy the chapter!!!!!**

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Please Review and PM me!!!**

**-frozen416**

****

He lied in my lap for several more minutes before getting up and running towards the shadows of the forest. In the distance I could see Alice start dancing over, immediately wary when I saw her bright smile I was beyond relieved when Jake came back in his human form. She stopped when she saw him and turned around to go back to the Cullens looking a little more than put out.

Jake chuckled when he saw my expression before pulling me into another semi-bear hug.

"I can't believe you're still here Bells. I was so sure that you'd died that day. I swear if I had known that you were still alive I wouldn't have stopped looking, it's just I found the note and your truck was parked by the cliffs. I'm sorry."

I felt a hot tear drop on my shield and looked up surprised to see that Jake with tears streaming down his tan face. I stepped back and gave him a small smile before saying,

"It's not your fault Jake; you have nothing to be sorry for."

He looked as if he was about to argue so I cut him off.

"So what's been happening these past what is it 70 years? 100 years?"

He nodded looking solemn and said in his deep voice.

"It's been 100 years since you disappeared."

I felt my eyes widen.

"How do you still look the same then? I don't know a whole lot about werewolves, but I do know that they do eventually die of old age.

You trying to hit 150 before you kick the bucket? I don't think they have nursing homes for werewolves Jake. I can just imagine you, the great alpha, saying 'Bella! Where's my cane?!? Eh! Do you think there's prune juice for lunch?"

Jake gave a hearty laugh and I heard a few of the few wolves barking a laugh and a few vampires laughed on the other side of the field also.

"Well, Bells if I'm old, then what are you. I vaguely remember you saying, when we were fixing up the bikes, that you were older than me both age wise and maturity wise. I was 16 back then and you were 18.

Wow Bells, 118 already?!?! It's definitely starting to show too."

He said while squinting, trying to find imaginary wrinkles on my face. I gave a small chuckle and just shook my head. I was happy Jake was back, it always felt natural when he was here. Like how best friends should be.

Jake snapped me out of my thoughts by clapping his hands in front of my face and yelling,

"Hello? Bella? Anybody home?"

Right. In. My. Ear.

"Geez Jake, I'd rather not spend the rest of eternity deaf!"

He looked at me with mirth and annoyance in his face.

"Whatever Bella. You want to go for a walk?"

I shivered as I remembered the last time I was invited for a walk by someone I cared for, but nodded anyway.

He grabbed my shield surrounded hand and guided me into the shadowy forest. I had to fight back the flashbacks that came to my mind and instead concentrated on the path.

"You okay Bells?"

I nodded, not wanting to verbally lie to him. After we had traveled at least a mile into the forest, Jake plopped down on a log and pulled me down next to him.

"So what's the story?"

I sighed not wanting to repeat myself but knowing that I had to.

"I was bitten nomadic vampire after I jumped off the La Push cliff. For some reason, I reacted differently to the venom and I froze for seven days instead of burning for three. There were also a lot of side affects after I noticed after I woke up.

I don't drink or eat anything, I have even more strength and speed than a vampire, and Jake I need you to let go of my hand."

I swiftly stood up and let my wings unfold out of my back. Looking back at Jake I could see his jaw was practically touching the ground.

"Wow, Bella. You look like an angel."

My eyes slid down to the ground. I wasn't an angel; I was the farthest thing from an angel. I was probably some form of the devil. It was pretty obvious that my soul was the deepest of blacks by now.

I let my wings fold back up and sat back down with Jake again.

"What happened after that?"

"I went south. In the South there were vampires who would create vampire armies to fight over their territories or hunting grounds, like Texas or New Mexico. I made it my responsibility to hunt down those vampires and their armies and dispose of them. It was evil and unjustified to take human lives for the purpose of building an army, especially for a war they weren't even involved in and the amount of humans the armies would kill just hunting in one day was disgusting. I spent around 30 to 40 years getting rid of all the armies before I went to a remote part of Canada for several decades."

I had left out many pieces of my story but he didn't really need to know and they would only prove to cause me more pain in telling him. He nodded at me looking forlorn before wrapping me in another

"I'm sorry you had to deal with that Bella. You of all people shouldn't have had to experience that. You're a wonderful person Bells, don't ever believe otherwise."

I let him hug me but I didn't believe his words. I was a monster.

The sound of a twig snapping thirty feet away snapped me out of my masochistic thoughts and Jake stiffened before crouching in front of me and letting out a guttural growl. I smirked at him and stepped forward while saying,

"Jake as sweet as the idea of you protecting me is, I can massacre over fifty evil vampires in under a minute."

I expected him to at least crack a smile but he just shook his head and stepped towards the woods vibrating so much that he was hard to see.


	24. Arrogance

A/N: Hey guys! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Please review and PM me. And if you'd like to email me, my email is:

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-frozen416

* * *

Quote:

'Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, the best thing would to have never been born at all'-Heinrich Heine

* * *

So slowly that I was sure that time had stopped, Edward stepped out of the trees. I felt the hole in my chest burn at the sight of him but my face didn't show anything. I was almost an expert at disguising it by now.

"Oh."

Jacob took a step closer to the trees and consequently, Edward, and let out a feral growl. Edward responded with a deep growl of his own, showing all of his teeth in a threatening way and I knew I had to step in before either of them got hurt.

"Jake, why don't you go back to the pack. We'll talk later."

He straightened up and looked as if he was going to argue until he saw the look on my face. It was blank. Completely blank. He knew from when I was human that I only did this when I was in pain, extreme pain. He and I both knew that I would have to do this and I just wanted to get it over with so I could go on my way. It would just hurt more if I was around Edward for any longer than absolutely necessary. Jake sighed in defeat before giving Edward a burning glare and saying,

"I'll hold you to that Bells."

I didn't respond and Jacob ran through the trees before disappearing completely. Turning to Edward, I had to fight the urge to flinch when I felt his topaz eyes on me again.

"Is there something you wanted?"

My voice and expression were controlled and even, unlike our last confrontation. I hated looking into his eyes now, they shined with all the emotions I would love for him to actually feel, but knew that he never would. He was just trying to reel me in again and for the sake of the tiny strand of sanity I had left, I couldn't let that happen.

He took a step forward and his auburn hair shimmered in the moonlight. The indifferent look on his face melted into one of agony and tenderness.

"I've missed you Bella."

The ache in my chest grew impossibly high and I barely managed to contain the longing in my voice.

"No, you haven't. Edward please stop this. I don't know if you get a kick out of playing with my emotions, but you are killing me Edward. So please, if you have ever cared about me in the slightest, you will stop."

My voice broke at the end of my speech and I had to wrap my arms around my torso to keep myself from falling apart, but I did it. There was a whoosh sound in the air and when I looked up Edward was not four inches away from my face. His topaz eyes glinted angrily in the glow of the moon and I had to suppress a gasp.

"You don't get it Bella! I love you! I lied in the forest, I thought you would be safe if I left you alone. I can't express how sorry I am Bella. I was an arrogant asshole and I don't deserve you, but I love you more than my own life."

I was frozen. I couldn't comprehend the words he was saying. He arrogantly took a chance on his knowledge of other humans' minds at the expense of my human life, my sanity. And he lied to me, he broke me. My hand flew up from my side of its own accord and slapped him. He head shot to the side and he gave me a defeated look.

"I deserved that. I deserve to have much more done to me for what I did to you."

The numbness was fading fast and an extreme anger was taking its place. I needed to get out of there before I killed him. My head whipped around wildly before running as fast as I could into the darkness of the forest. I needed to think, to sort this horrible knowledge out in my head.


	25. Waves

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry this is only a short preview. I'll try to update very soon. Enjoy!**

**Frozen416**

I could hear the subtle sound of his footsteps as Edward chased after me but I kept running with all I had. I wanted to both cry and scream at that moment, why would he do that to me? I didn't slow my pace until I made it to the sand of a beach, not caring whether or not Edward was following me any more I kept walking until I was standing in the calm waves. There was once again an inch berth of an invisible force between the water and myself. I would never be able to really touch anything, like living in a world where you've been bubble wrapped and you can never take it off. I felt the dry sobs shaking my body but couldn't do anything to contain them. There were so many questions flying through my mind. Why did he do this to me? Is he telling the truth now? Why did the family just go along with his plan? Did they even protest? But the biggest thing was why did he have to hurt me so much?

I sunk down into the water, breaking down and trying to make sense of my thoughts. In the distance I could hear something but I was consumed to care enough to find out what it was. All those years of emptiness and carnage, all because of his arrogance. There was so much I wanted to do to him, hurt him, kiss him, kill him, comfort him. I was so confused. I wanted to actually feel his arms around but that was never going to happen, was it? A chocked sob made slipped from my lips.


	26. Relations

**A/N: Hey guys, I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!!! Review are love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**frozen416**

I could hear water splashing behind me as someone walked into the water, and it caused me to squeeze my eyes even tighter. I needed to be alone right now. I could hear no heartbeat so I knew it was a vampire, that narrowed down my list. Whirling around I was assaulted with the smell of cherries.

Marcus stood not four feet away from, knee deep in water, and staring at me with a mixture his usual blankness and a small bit of curiosity.

"What are you doing Abbadon?"

I let a bitter smirk come plaster itself on my mouth as I answered him.

"Hiding."

He nodded as if my one word answer explained it all.

"So you finally talked with him, I see."

I simply stared at him. How did he know? Seeing my confused face, he decided to pity me and give me an explanation.

"I can see emotional relations."

I felt my eyes widen, and I barely managed to choke out my next words.

"What did ours look like?"'

While he was thinking about what to say, I was almost dying of panic. I would completely lose everything close to sanity if I found out that Edward had been lying to me just hours ago and he really didn't love me at all.

"Your relations with each other are very bright colors, deep would suffice. But they are also tainted somewhat, I'm assuming that it was tainted by distrust, hurt, or anger, or maybe even some combination of them all. When I look at the strings that connect you to each other I can immediately tell that your love for each other is indefinite, it reminds me greatly of the love I shared with my mate, Didyme."

He paused for a moment, looking down and squeezing his eyes shut in pain. I had to fight the urge to comfort him knowing he wouldn't want me to. When he looked up again, he looked straight into my eyes and I could see the pain there. The pain that was never going to go away.

"However, you don't trust him and that can easily ruin everything. For there cannot be love where there is not trust. You are in pain right now, but it can get easier if you go with him. If you learn to trust him again.

Of course, you aren't the only one that is going to have to work, Edward will have to prove to be trustworthy.

There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do to be with my Didyme again, and I'm sure you feel the same way with Edward. The only difference is that you are the one holding yourself back.

Do yourself some good and go to him, try to work things out."

I found myself nodding without even thinking about it. I wanted to be with him so badly, and he wanted to be with me. I was still more than angry with him, but yelling at him would be better than me isolating myself.

"Thank you Marcus."

He nodded, looking out into the ocean. His expression was blank again, but I could see the hints of sadness.

"And Marcus, please call me Bella."

He looked at me with a sad smile, before chuckling.

"Of course."

I looked at him one last time before I was off towards the forest. Towards Edward.


	27. Heart Attack

**A/N: Hey people, hope you enjoy this chapter!!!! But you need to remember one thing. REVIEW or PM me!!!!!!!!!! Guys compared to the amount of hits I have gotten, I have practically no reviews!!!!!!**

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I ran into the forest determined, trying to find his scent as quickly as possible. It didn't take long before my nose was assaulted with the scent of honey and sunshine. I loved his smell, it was always comforting in some way. The forest glided by me at high speeds as I raced deeper and deeper into it. I ran for only a few minutes before I came to a clearing. It was different than the one I had fought in, smaller and peaceful. Edward was perched precariously on a boulder that rested right beside a small, clear pond. The sun was shining so Edward was sparkling like a diamond. His eyes were closed as he leaned back onto the boulder and a human might have mistaken him for being relaxed if not for his pained expression. I was overwhelmed with the urge to comfort him and could barely keep myself from flying into his arms, I couldn't do that yet. We had to work out everything, talk about stuff, before I could even think about doing that.

I steeled myself with my new plan in mind before stepping into the clearing and alerting Edward of my presence.

"Edward."

My voice was barely above a whisper but his head shot up immediately.

"Bella?"

His voice shook just slightly and he looked at me approaching form in disbelief. It wasn't until I was only ten feet away from him when he finally unfroze and his expression turned pleading.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Please you have to know that when I left, I only did so thinking you would be safer without me. I thought you would move on."

My face contorted into anger as I stepped toward him.

"Well that's the problem Edward! You thought! You thought! You made a decision that affected both of our lives impossibly without even talking to me. You took it upon yourself to decide to leave me and **completely ** shut me out."

Edward looked even more pained now but I couldn't stop, this pain and anger had been locked inside of me for over a century, growing and festering and now I was finally letting it all out.

"What if all of a sudden, out of the blue, I told you that I didn't love you, that I had never loved, you weren't good enough for me, your time as my play thing was over and I never wanted to see you again?"

His face crumpled and he looked as if he were fighting off dry sobs.

"You know that I don't even mean that but I can tell that you're in pain. Do you understand now Edward? I've existed for over a hundred years believing the things you told me in the forest. That I wasn't good enough. That you didn't love me, never had. And that I was just a game, a distraction."

My eyes were closed tight as I tried to fight off the memory and a dry sob slipped from my mouth. Regaining composure, I looked up into his topaz eyes and steeled myself.

"Edward, I love you more than I ever thought was possible. But if we are ever going to be together again, we need to work on a lot of stuff."

His face slowly shifted from the agonized expression to a relieved, loving one as he processed what I had said. I felt a breeze as I blinked and when I opened my eyes again, Edward in all his Greek godliness stood not even ten inches away from me, his nose not even an inch away from mine.

"Bella, I'll never forgive myself for leaving you. And I'll do what ever it takes to get you back."

He finished his statement with the crooked smile that I loved so much. Raising his hand softly he lifted it to my face and it wasn't until I felt his warm skin move across my cheek that I realized with enough shock that would give a human a stroke, he had actually touched my skin, my shield hadn't stopped him.


End file.
